September 27, 2010

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It's a rough ride...

I won't lie - this has been a very hard month for me. I'm having a lot of pain, and have lost my ability to walk or stand (at least for periods more than a few seconds). I'm still trying to swallow that hard pill. I am sitting in the chair today, getting fed my chemotherapy cocktail. Keep hoping the poison somehow helps me get over this pain, and maybe restore some of my walking ability. Meanwhile, please hang in there with me, my friends and readers, sometimes I need a shove to get across the bridge.

September 15, 2010

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Boys Navigating the River

I have to revisit my last post regarding "sisu." It seems I was very much mistaken when I told the priest that my husband didn't speak a word of Finnish. Apparently he does know some Finnish (not fluent), but he is well aware of Finnish culture. The culture that he had learned from his father, and his grandfather, etc. He schooled me in the concept of sisu. He applies the concept of sisu every day in his professional life, and ironically enough, his company is based out of Finland. I should have realized that Tim embodies sisu - he has always been determined and driven, mainly because of this culture. This is what has made him so successful in his professional life. I suppose that the concept of sisu can be applied to many aspects of life. Until he pointed it out to me, I guess I hadn't realized that his characteristics have helped me in life, not only with my recent battle, but in many ways over the years we have known each other. I am sorry, Tim, for not recognizing this about you, or realizing that it was part of your cultural heritage. I do understand that you ARE sisu, and I can only wish to be as practiced at it as you are. Thank you for the enlightenment, and for opening my eyes!

September 12, 2010

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Sisu

During my stay in the hospital last week, there was a priest who would visit me every day to offer me a blessing and communion. I think his name was Father Tom... but I don't really remember. I remember he was an older man, with a sharp and dry sense of humor, and he made me smile, and it was almost like he understood everything that was going on in my head. He liked to say my name, and he recognized it as Finnish. He said that he knew one Finnish word... "sisu." He said "ask your husband what that word means." I chuckled and said my husband doesn't speak a word of Finnish. He pointed at my computer and said "well, then Google it!" And so I did....

According to Wikepedia: Sisu is a Finnish term loosely translated into English as strength of will, determination, perseverance, and acting rationally in the face of adversity. However, the word is widely considered to lack a proper translation into any language. Sisu has been described as being integral to understanding Finnish culture. The literal meaning is equivalent in English to "having guts", and the word derives from sisus, which means something inner or interior. However sisu is defined by a long-term element in it; it is not momentary courage, but the ability to sustain an action against the odds. Deciding on a course of action and the sticking to that decision against repeated failures is sisu. It is similar to equanimity, except the forbearance of sisu has a grimmer quality of stress management than the latter. The noun sisu is related to the adjective sisukas, one having the quality of sisu.

Do you think he was trying to give me a message?

September 10, 2010

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Renaissance Center

The iconic Motor City home of General Motors.

They tell me I can leave the hospital today! They got my blood counts up to normal after many transfusions, etc. I am feeling better and much less like a zombie. I don't want to go home just for the sake of getting out of here, I want to go home feeling good, and I think that's how I will be leaving today. Feeling strong and energetic! Thank you for all the support! :)

September 8, 2010

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More Rough Times... :(

Urban slums from Detroit, uneasy, and a little scary. But nonetheless, very colorful.

I am so very far behind. It has been a rough few weeks for me, and things got so much worse yesterday. I was admitted to the hospital and I may be here a while. My blood counts are very low and unstable, and they are trying to figure out how to get me tuned up. Seems pretty typical for this particular chemotherapy to keep blood counts normal, but wow. I have been given so many transfusions, shots, EKG, drugs, drugs, and more drugs. I'm hoping to get some better news on my last blood labs, and hoping that things are rising. On the bright side,I have a nice private corner room with a nice view. Meanwhile, I am falling hard, and I'm very scared as everything is so uncertain.

September 3, 2010


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The Urban Cheat

OK, it has been a rough week for me. The chemo treatment kicked my ass and I admit defeat. Some shots from last week's drive through Detroit. This is an abandoned train station. I've always loved this building - it has been sitting abandoned and in ruins for years. The classic architectural style, just a shell of a building. Urban decay at its finest - this always reminded me of a comic book scene, like Gotham City!